Hiraeth Draft #1Every Sunday morning at the crack of dawn I would always be woken up to the sound of the wood floors creaking from my dad already up walking around the house getting the coffee made to start his day. I would then lie my head gently back on my special pillow I had always used at the time that had “Phillies” written on it with the logo in the background and fall back to sleep. It was never a problem falling back asleep after being awoken at 5 am since I would only be awake for those few minutes, but basically still asleep. Pretty much like when you get woken up by something randomly in the middle of the night, your mind is pretty much still asleep and you sit there all dazed and confused, then fall back asleep like nothing happened. Next thing you know I’m woken up again by my 4 brothers arguing with each other arguing over who is going to shower first! My brother Jimmy was always the one that ended up getting the first/hottest shower. I was only 6 years old at the time and my sister Katie was 8 years old, and we never cared too much about getting up and fighting over the shower because it was always the same outcome, also we’re the 2 youngest out of the 6 Duffy children. The only thing that we would look forward to every Sunday morning was seeing our Grandmom for church. My grandmom was the most loving, kind-hearted woman you would ever meet. After everyone was dressed and all ready to go, we would cram into my mom’s old purple minivan and head over to St. Joeseph’s church. I remember the van not having enough room for all 6 of us in the back because my 3 older brothers are a lot older then us last 3 kids born, so my brother Ryan would always complain and would squeeze onto the seat but my sister and I would always get stuck sitting on the beat down floor of the minivan or sit on one of our brother’s laps. It was always a horrible 7 minute drive down the street to the church. My brother Ryan would always be complaining saying, “stop pinching me Mike! Just let me sit on the seat church is right down the street you can squeeze your fat in, I’m not sitting on the nasty floor”. He would always say something smart and those two would always get into an argument on the way to church, which would make my mom turn around and start yelling “You guys better knock it the hell off or I’m gonna tell your grandmother and she won’t let you guys go out to breakfast with her and Aunt I, so knock it off!”. When we would arrive at church I would be the first out of the jam packed minivan and would see a crowd of people from every family in our town, Briarcliffe. There were always tons of people there, everyone would be dressed up nice in their suits and ties, dresses and heels, and sunglasses and hats for when it was sunny out. While the rest of my family would be getting out of the car ready for church I would try getting through the huge crowd of people surrounding the outside of the church so I could get over to the front right corner of the church where my Grandmom and Aunt I would always be standing waiting for our dysfunctional family to arrive. When I was close to getting to them I could always tell because I would smell the Marlboro lights they would both be smoking before we all go in as a group for the 7 am mass. My grandmom’s big blue eyes and wrinkly face would light up with joy when she would finally see me with the big thick glasses she used to have, coming towards her from the crowd and she would always bend down, put her arms out, waiting for me to run up to her and would say “There’s my Danno!!! Come give your grandmom a big fat kiss and a hug”. As she sits there bent over squeezing me with all of her might giving me the biggest hug she could possibly give and would always look at me and stop, and with the smell of cigarettes hitting me in the face she would always whisper to me “You know you’re my favorite Danno”, while giving me a small quick wink before my sister comes running up to hug her just moments before the rest of the Duffy crew come walking up. We always went into church as a full, there was never one of us missing as we walked up the big flight of steps that felt like a million to head into church. We would have to sit through the 45 minute mass, keep standing, sitting, and kneeling, as bored as a 6 year old could ever be. My Grandmom, Aunt I, and my parents were always singing along with the songs and reading the bible verses as the preist reads them to the big room filled with other families of all sorts. I would always get mad when they would go up for their communion because at the time I wasn’t old enough to get it yet and would have to sit in my seat starving since we wouldn’t eat before church to prepare ourselves for the big breakfast were getting after. I would always say to my grandmom and parents “ Why don’t I get to have a piece of bread I’m starving!”, and they would sit there smiling at each other and tell me “When your old enough you’ll be able to walk up there with us, but it’s not so great tasting”. I knew mass would be coming to an end when the priest would have everyone greet each other with the sign of peace and shake hands with the people surrounding you, that’s when I would start to get real excited. I would be shaking everyone’s hands while thinking of the stack of chocolate chip pancakes, French toast, whatever I decided I wanted to get that Sunday for breakfast. When mass would end most of the times it would only be my Grandmom, Aunt I, and my sister going out to breakfast because my other siblings would be too tired and my parents wouldn’t want to go, so we would get to hangout with my Grandmom for the day and she always started it off y either making us breakfast at her place or taking us out. We would do it every Sunday morning after the 7 o’clock mass was over up until we moved. Questions I would like my group to ask me, Couldn't figure out how to get it into the comments.
1. What are some thing's I could work on to make my writing a better piece? (Not gonna lie rushed through and put as much details as possible so I had it in before the deadline there's still much more to put in.) 2. Should I stick to the path I'm heading in scene wise or did I put too much detail into the one scene? 3. What our your guys opinion on my hiraeth first draft so far? It's not criticism, it'll help me build as a writer.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Archives
March 2017
Categories
All
|